


Under the Gleaming Silver Moon

by QueenPotema



Series: A Dark and Jeweled Sky [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Blood, Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:00:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenPotema/pseuds/QueenPotema
Summary: "Death changes people," Izuna says quietly as Tobirama approaches from under the canopy of trees, "It has changed me. When my brother died, I did too, just a little bit. I am not who I was and I never will be the same again, does that answer satisfy you?""No." Tobirama replies simply.Izuna's gaze snaps from the ground to Tobirama, but there is no fire left in his glare."I refuse to believe someone so strong as you is incapable of healing."
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Izuna
Series: A Dark and Jeweled Sky [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864837
Comments: 63
Kudos: 184





	1. Part One: New Moon

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a NIGHTMARE to edit. That is the only reason it is being split into three parts. It is giving my beta and I fits. Seriously, it is totally complete, but the editing and polishing is taking FOREVER!
> 
> This is a pretty sad story, with extremely fucked up moments in it. There is death, blood, angst, the whole shebang. Everyone please take care of yourselves ye?
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU GOES OUT TO @KingSunWukong who helped me twice with getting my creative juices going on this story, which has been a WIP for over a year. Please, go check his stuff out, you won't regret it!!
> 
> This story is first in the timeline of A Dark and Jeweled Sky!

The pain is sharp and fresh in Izuna's heart. It still prevents him from breathing properly if he thinks about it, and he can not stop thinking about it. One overzealous breath a little too deep, and he's back at square one, sobbing like a child for a brother who is to be burned on a pyre today.

He doesn't want to move from his spot in bed, because when he gets up, Madara won't be by his door waiting patiently to greet him. When he gets breakfast, Madara won't be at the table with a pipe in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. Madara won't fish a hair tie out of Izuna's stash and put his hair up for him. He won’t grumble to himself about fiscal reports, or annoying squabbles among clan members. He won't scold Izuna for eating to many sweets in the morning or foist any vegetables on him. When Izuna walks out of the house to start his day, he will do so alone, and he has never done that in his life.

It is terrifying to think about just how quickly his life was destroyed. Just two days ago, his beloved elder brother was trying to convince him of grandiose ideas for peace, smiling, laughing, and playing with clan children.

Yesterday, he was fighting for his life against a wound that would have killed lesser shinobi in minutes. Madara was strong, he lasted into the early night after receiving the wound at midday. Right as the stars began to dot the sky, he halted Izuna's fumbling attempts to save a life too far gone (The medics had long since given up, Izuna was the only one left trying.) and asked to be taken outside so he could see the stars. Under a moonless night sky which swathed the world in choking darkness, Uchiha Madara had died, with bloody empty eye sockets.

Today, Izuna sees the morning sunshine with crystal clear vision and is stuck with the knowledge that the reason he can is because Madara is lying cold in a coffin.

Such drastic differences in such a small amount of time. Izuna could almost convince himself he was dreaming, if not for the fact the dreams had never been so painful as this reality is.

A soft knock comes from the door. Izuna glares half-heartedly as the intruder enters.

"Izuna-sama," Hikaku says tentatively, "Everyone is waiting for you."

"Let them wait." Izuna says as he plops his head back on his pillow, "And don't call me that."

"But you're the head of th-" Hikaku tries to say.

Izuna interrupts him with a snarled, "Don't you fucking dare!"

Hikaku gives a start at the outburst and then sighs, "Right, I understand. Apologies. Just... Please get up soon. You have to light his pyre."

"Get. Out." Izuna barks. The door clicks shut a moment later.

Izuna mumbles soft curses when he feels warmth trail down his cheeks. He would give anything to wake up from this nightmare in his brother's arms.

In the end, it takes all day for Izuna to muster up the will to drag himself out of bed and make himself presentable. He is sure the clan will notice that he has not taken as much time on his appearance as he normally does but he doesn't look like he just rolled off his futon either and that is the best he has to offer them.

When Izuna sets his brother's body aflame, the stars have returned, but the moon is still missing.

* * *

  
The weight of his clan's gazes as he enters their den is almost enough to make Izuna turn around and leave. But no, he has put off facing them as their leader long enough. Another rich lord has hired them for an assassination, and undoubtedly they will be met with a battalion of Senju when they go to complete the mission. They will need a leader.

Even so, Izuna has no clue what to say to them. Before the faces of people he has known in passing his whole life, his breath catches and words won't come. Hikaku nudges him from the side (from the place he used to stand when he stood with Madara- but he can't think about that) to try and snap him out of it. In some measure, it does work.

Izuna closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and straightens his back before he addresses them, "I must apologize to all of you for my absence these past few days. My weakness is inexcusable."

The whole of the clan stays silent and watchful, eyeing him with various mixtures of disgust and anger. Izuna has to swallow his own anger at their hypocrisy, because he knows Madara personally gave nearly every one of them leave from their duties at various points for mourning loss of loved ones, sometimes totaling to a whole month when he had the resources.

Hikaku is the only one to offer a feeble defense, "Your grief is a natural reaction. We understand."

"Yes. Well." Izuna snips, "It was still wrong of me to leave my clan lost. If any of you want to contest my leadership, you should do so now."

It is telling that most of those angry eyes turn their gaze to the floor at that. They are not willing to challenge him officially. Likely, it is because they know that he is the strongest of them with Madara... gone. The strongest has always ruled them, it is their longest standing law.

Satisfied with the submission, Izuna officially starts the meeting and listens to the reports of their scouting squads. As expected, Senju shinobi have been spotted on the route to the Uchiha's mission site. Unfortunately, there are a lot more of them than anticipated. Three separate groups of them, one of five men, and the other two made up of six a piece. And they were not being inconspicuous either, which likely means that they wanted to be seen. A full scale battle is in their future, which is unusual since they had an all out battle so recently. Both clans tend to need at least a week of recuperation between clashes. The Senju think they can cow the Uchiha into submission just because Madara is gone.

"It seems they are trying to intimidate us. Ridiculous. We will have to remind them who they are dealing with." Izuna states.

"With all due respect," a man pipes up from the crowd in a tone that shows anything but respect, "If they are being so obvious about their movements, then they likely want to fight us. We were at a stalemate with Madara-sama leading us, without him we won't be able to deal with their clan head and the White Demon."

Izuna's chest constricts with the effort of holding in the full force of his anger and grief. They would not have dared to take this tone if Madara were here. The empty space beside Izuna seems to radiate the same pain that is in his heart, enveloping him in despair from all sides. Keep a level head, he tells himself, do not give them any satisfaction out of getting a rise.

"So you are implying that my leadership is insufficient? After having just been given a chance to challenge me for it? How bold." the clan head grinds out.

"I am implying that Madara was stronger than you are. And he still could not beat that blasted Senju head. What reason do we have to believe that you can stand against him at all when you were routinely beaten by the man who usually did? Unless of course, you did as our ancient texts describe."

Ah, so that is what all of their animosity is about. They all know the stories of fratricide and eye stealing that have haunted their clans history. Izuna's blood _boils_ at the implication and he wonders idly if they would have been so brazen as to accuse Madara of such a crime had Izuna been the one struck down.

"First of all," Izuna booms, "You are not to speak so casually of my brother. You will treat his name with the respect and honor it deserves or I will personally feed you to the crows! That goes for all of you! Secondly, the power I have now was willingly given. I cannot speak for the past, but I would never have hurt my brother just for the sake of power. I would have _died_ first."

Hikaku puts a tentative hand on Izuna's shoulder to try and calm him down. Izuna violently shrugs it off and turns back to his clan with his Sharingan whirling.

"We are going to face the Senju tomorrow. One of two things is going to happen. Either I will win or I will lose and the lot of you can fend for your fucking selves." he hisses, "Dismissed."

He doesn't pay attention to any of their reactions. He just leaves them where they are and bolts to the sanctuary of his brother's room. He has been very careful not to move anything in here, it is just as Madara left it save for the incense burner by the window. Izuna lights a fresh stick and settles on the floor hugging his knees.

"I'm sorry Aniki. I guess I can't give you what you asked for. But we will be together again soon."

* * *

  
Izuna holds his head up high despite the turbulence of anguish his chest. He will not give any Senju the satisfaction of seeing him display weakness, especially not the one that took his brother away from him.

He is not stupid though. Izuna knows that even with Madara's gifted eyes, he still is not powerful enough to kill the Wood Demon. It is why his clan is filled with tension and fear standing behind him. They can sense that the balance of power has been shifted off its axis. Izuna is painfully aware that he must set the harmony between the clans right in this battle, or die trying.

Since he is relying almost solely on spite and the element of surprise in this fight, he is fairly sure it will be the latter, and he doesn't know how he should feel about that. On one hand, he really does want to die and join his family. On the other... There is his promise to Madara weighing on him, and only the gods know what would happen to the Uchiha if he was killed here. As angry as he is at everyone and everything right now, including his clan, he still cares deeply for them at his core.

His brethren charge forward at his command and meet the Senju forces in the middle of the field. Izuna stays behind seeking a hint of the Wood Demon's failsafe chakra nature. When he finally spots it, he charges as well. He is on the Senju clan head in a second, sword drawn and Mangekyo whirling with a new pattern, the only testament to his despair he's willing to display openly in his enemy's presence.

The Senju gives a surprised yelp, much to Izuna's pride, and scrambles back away from the blade. Izuna does not give him a moment to breathe, he launches at his enemy with a nearly rabid snarl and keeps pressuring him as hard as he can, pushing himself to the point that his body screams at him from the strain. If he can just keep the Senju from weaving signs, then he will be safe from the larger more specialized mokuton monstrosities.

His forlorn diligence earns him blood in the form of a small cut on the Senju's cheek before a Water Dragon is hurled between him and his opponent and his assault is interrupted. Izuna narrowly avoids the attack and skids to a halt with the Senju clan head on one side of him and the White Demon on his other side. He grits his teeth with disgust at the situation. It was all he could do to nick the Wood Demon, he won't be able to fight both of them.

"Izuna. Please stop. I just want a moment to talk to you." The wood slinging monster has the nerve to say.

Images of Madara hanging from a wooden root the size of Izuna's forearm impaling him through his chest with that surprised and horrified look on his face flash through Izuna's mind with the Sharingan's ruthless clarity. Memories drift to the surface one by one of his brother heaving for air as he drowned in his own blood, of the clan's healers halting their efforts and telling Izuna he should give up too, of a cold bloody hand stroking his cheek and blue lips whispering words so soft they could barely be heard, of the last member of his family, the closest person in the world to his heart, going limp in his arms devoid of life. This Senju bastard is the cause of all of it. He killed Madara. Killed him, even though they had been play fighting all those years. Even though Madara had never once attempted to do anything more than maim. He killed Madara, and he didn't do it in defense of his own life. Murderer, murderer, murderer, _**murderer**_.

"I have absolutely _nothing_ to say to you." Izuna growls clutching his sword so tightly the blade trembles.

"I told you Anija. You hav-" the White Demon begins.

"Tobirama, enough!" the Senju clan head cuts him off vehemently before softening and turning back to Izuna, "Please. I just... I need you to tell me where Madara is. I'm begging you, Izuna, it may not be too late."

"You want to know where my Aniki is." Izuna says, his voice level and calm to contrast the blinding, burning, _maddening_ fury he feels.

"Anija-" the White Demon tries to warn.

"Don't worry, you murdering Senju dog. I'll send you to straight where you sent him!" Izuna spits as if it's a curse. He can feel his sharingan whirling, he knows Madara's strength is in these eyes waiting for him to take hold of it. He hasn't yet, because his grief held him back, but now his rage is overriding that grief. The Senju wants to see Madara? _Fine then_.

"You don't mean that. He isn't. He can't be..." he says faintly. Izuna can't believe this horrible man has the audacity to act as if he didn’t know exactly what he had done and further has the gall to act as if he regrets it.

"My brother is _gone_. He's gone because he trusted you and you killed him! _MURDERER_!!!" chakra erupts around him, blowing the White Demon off his feet. The Wood Demon braces against the torrent and stays upright, enraging Izuna even further. A new form of his blood red Susano'o cloaks him and raises to ten times what he could accomplish in size before.

"I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!! You will PAY for what you've done!" Izuna shrieks as he guides the perfect Susano'os spear towards his enemy who is summoning wood to defend himself.

Izuna unleashes every bit of power he has at his disposal but in the end, it is not enough, just as he suspected it wasn't. The Wood Demon stands over him breathing heavily, covered in bruises and scrapes, but on his feet while Izuna is on his back exhausted mentally and physically.

His brother's killer grits his teeth and raises his sword to finish the job. Izuna stares him right in the eyes, as his final defiance. He had the satisfaction of stabbing Madara in the back like a coward and not facing the man he was killing, Izuna will not give him the same satisfaction now.

A pained cry echoes over the battle field as the Wood Demon buries his sword in the ground beside Izuna's head.

"Anija, if you let him go, he will just regroup and attack you again. He won't stop until you make him stop." the White Demon sighs as he walks to the pair of shinobi.

The Senju head let's out a series of hysterical chuckles and falls to his knees, "Madara would never forgive me."

"I will do it if you cannot."

Izuna can't stop the laugh that escapes him at that. He turns his head and spits out a mouthful of blood before turning back to sneer at his rival.

"You're as ruthless as ever. Come over here then, and finish what your coward of a brother started." he says. Honestly, it is more fitting this way. Izuna has always believed he was molded by the divines to be Tobirama's antithesis, it is poetic that Tobirama be the one to sever their connection. 

The White Demon scowls deeply, "As you wish Uchiha."

"No one touches him!" the tan one snarls.

The white one stops in his tracks as if those words physically froze him in place.

"Izuna. Is there anyway I can convince you to make peace?"

"No. Send me to my brother, Senju, or I will send you to him instead."

Just let this end, Izuna tacks on in his mind. He is so incredibly tired, empty, and lonely. He wants to be with Madara. There is only one way to he can get there.

"Please, reconsider, I don't want to kill you." the Senju practically wails.

The White Demon remains blessedly silent. (Izuna never imagined there would come a day when the White Demon would not be the person he despised most in the world, but he also never imagined he would know the pain of losing Madara.)

Izuna does close his eyes now, not to flinch away from death, but instead to actually think for the first time today. The idea that the Senju doesn't want to kill him because of Madara's feelings on the matter is ludicrous but... Would Madara forgive Izuna for giving up? He had only asked for two things while he was suffering through his death rattles; that Izuna live a happy life without him, and that Izuna take care of the Uchiha. Two things, but one is impossible. Still, Izuna should at least honor the other request, shouldn't he? Madara died still hoping that peace was possible, and the Uchiha are afraid for their future if this war continues. Izuna's last ditch effort to balance the scale has failed. That only leaves him with one option if he wants to live and watch over the Uchiha, lest they become slaves or worse without his protection.

"You are so full of shit." Izuna mumbles, "I fucking hate you... But... my clan still needs me. I promised my brother I would take care of our people. What assurance can you offer me that they will be safe if we play house with you?"

The Wood Demon grimaces, "I give you my word, Izuna. I promise we can come up with terms that are agreeable for both clans, if you'll just give me a chance."

Even the White Demon looks at him as if the is the dumbest meathead on the planet at that statement. All Izuna is able to manage is a scoff that turns into a coughing fit.

"You killed my brother and now you are asking that I lead my clan into an alliance where they are at a great disadvantage without him on nothing but your word? Your word means nothing to me Senju."

"What do you want? Whatever will convince you I mean well that is within my power to give I will give."

Izuna schools the laughter that wants to bubble up at that promise to a sneer. Anything, huh? He is tempted to ask the Senju to give his life, but he decides against it. He doesn't want the man who killed his brother to have the sweet release of death, he wants him to _suffer_ the same way he is suffering. His next thought, is to demand that the man give his brother's life. That is what Izuna has given after all, and then the Wood Demon would know this pain, and loneliness when he is left without the last of his family. But he knows that demand is unlikely to be met, and he would likely just be killed if he gave it. Furthermore, neither of those two options would give his clan security, nor would they calm those in the Uchiha clan who are terrified right now that they will end up dead at the Senju's hands or worse.

Izuna has to be smart and unbiased about this, for the sake of the Uchiha, and he swallows down his anger and spiteful hatred to consider the situation rationally. Short of killing the White Demon with his own hands, what could the Wood Demon offer to earn a bit of trust from the Uchiha clan? Izuna will never trust him, that's for certain but... He painstakingly turns his head, he is almost too exhausted to manage, and looks at where the majority of his clan has gathered watching the scene warily while trying to tend to the wounded.

"Heal them." He croaks barely managing to return his gaze to the Wood Demon.

"What?" he says with a head tilt.

"My clan. Heal them. If you make sure no more Uchiha die on this battlefield, I will agree to a ceasefire." Izuna says.

The Wood Demon closes his eyes, "We will do our best."

"Just you." Izuna barks.

"That is madness Uchiha! You cannot possibly expect my brother to heal all of your wounded when you have depleted his reserves as much as you have! If you didn't want your kin to die than you should have-" the albino menace is interrupted when his brother puts up a hand to silence him.

"I will need Tobirama's assistance at least. He is right to say I do not have the chakra to manage alone."

Izuna scowls, "The White Demon? Heal? You expect me to believe that he isn't just going to use the opportunity to slit the throats of more Uchiha?"

Hashirama scowls, "He wouldn't do that."

"Pick someone else." Izuna deadpans.

Hashirama sighs and turns to his brother, "Make sure everyone who can is retreating and help our healers fix everyone up. Send one of them to help with the Uchiha, whoever is most willing to come."

Tobirama lingers for a few moments, "I want it known that I think this is an incredibly stupid idea."

With that he turns to do as he is told. The Wood Demon reaches for Izuna who snarls and recoils as best as his battered body will allow.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me!" Izuna snaps.

"You said to heal all of the Uchiha." the Wood Demon states.

"I would rather die than be healed by the likes of you. Go heal my clansmen, but keep your filthy murdering hands off of me." Izuna says, his tone vicious and twisted even to his own ears.

The Senju head makes a face so poignantly miserable Izuna almost believe the emotion is genuine, "Fine."

Izuna watches the other man walk towards the Uchiha and Hikaku quickly replaces him and kneels beside him. Izuna says nothing when his cousin begins treating his broken ribs and internal bleeding with his chakra.

"You are doing the right thing." Hikaku mumbles when it becomes evident that Izuna intends to remain silent.

"I should have just let Aniki do it if it was so inevitable." Izuna says bitterly. The hole in his heart where Madara once was threatens to swallow him whole.

Hikaku gives him a look of pity, and Izuna wants to claw his eyes out, "No matter what anyone tries to tell you, it wasn't your fault.

Izuna closes his eyes once more. The tightness in his chest is no longer from injuries, but he holds in his sorrow until he is alone in the static darkness of his brother's room. Normally, he goes to his own room by nightfall to sleep, but tonight he just curls up on the wooden floor with one of Madara's mantles. 

The moon has yet to show itself; darkness continues to reign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this one is more in parts than chapters because of the way it is written, and it has three parts in total, with this part being the shortest one. The updates will likely take awhile, because of how long the editing takes on this, but my beta and I are working hard on it between our other projects! 
> 
> Leave a comment if you have a second, love y'all!! <3


	2. Part Two: Waning and Waxing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all really wanna hurt yourselves, listen to Brother by Falling in Reverse while you read this. >:-D
> 
> ..... Deadass sobbed while writing this part. And my Beta sobbed while editing. And I sobbed some more while polishing it to post. This part is pain, you have been warned. Things don't get better until next part.
> 
> TW: For suicidal thoughts and some blood and gore. As always, Take care of yourselves y'all!

Izuna stands in the middle of Madara's room, immobilized by sorrow and regret.

He should apologize to the woman who was in here earlier, she was only trying to do her job, but seeing her tossing out Madara's things had enraged him beyond reason. He exploded on her, nearly struck her, and would not have been able to stop himself from doing so had Hikaku not grabbed him. He needs to thank his cousin as well. He has been tempering Izuna's violent moods as best he could for months now, and it was one of the main reasons why he made it through the peace negotiations.

For all that Izuna knows he needs to clean this place out, he can't seem to bring himself to start. This space was Madara's, and everything here has become sacred to Izuna. If he doesn't though, all of this will be burned. The Uchiha burn all of the settlements they leave behind to ash to protect any secrets that may have been forgotten. His clan is moving to their new home in the fledgling village, and dragging him along, so he will have to go through his brother's room to find what things of Madara's he wants to keep, no matter how much he wants to keep the whole place untouched.

Izuna is beginning to believe this emptiness will never get any easier.

He forces himself to move to where the maid had been piling Madara's clothes and kneels to pick up one of the mantles to carefully fold it and seal it in a scroll. One thing at a time, he resolves to himself, focus only on one thing at a time, and then you won't even notice what you're doing until you're done.

He digs briefly through the scrolls neatly placed in a shelf and finds that they are all handwritten journals. He doesn't dare to open them, knowing he would have a breakdown if he tries to read them, but he collects all of them that he can find and stores them in the sealing scroll for if he ever feels whole enough to read his brother's innermost thoughts.

He finds a terrible little wooden carving of a cat that he had made for Madara when he was little in his brother's dresser and almost breaks down anyway. With a deep breath, Izuna pockets the awful little thing and takes out several of Madara's shirts to put in the scroll. They are all clean, but they smell like Madara still. 

After he finishes with the dresser, he turns to move to the closet and his eyes land on Madara's gunbai, leaned against the wall by the door. He stares at it for a second before gently, reverently almost, taking hold of the handle and turning it where he can see the small crack at the top.

_"I can't believe you're leaving this gaudy thing here! You always lug it into battle with you. It's like an actual limb at this point." Izuna crowed as he whirled his brother's favorite weapon around like a toy._

_Madara playfully shoved Izuna's shoulder and snatched the fan back, "This 'gaudy thing' is a sacred weapon of our clan, runt. Not that you would know, since you refuse to even learn the proper katas to wield one."_

_Izuna flipped his ponytail in that dramatic way that always made Madara roll his eyes, "I would not be caught dead with one of those! I have style, unlike you, you screeching porcupine."_

_Madara swiped Izuna's feet out from under him with practiced grace and the younger fell on his rear with a yelp, "I would rather be a porcupine than a twerp with a rat tail."_

_"Touché." Izuna sighed as he picked himself up off the ground, "Out of curiosity, why are you leaving it here?"_

_"It has a crack in it that I just noticed today. I don't want to break it completely, and there is no time to have it mended before we set out." Madara explained as he leaned it against the wall and grabbed a sealing scroll containing another set of weapons to compensate for it._

_"It wouldn't crack if you didn't wave it around like such a big brute," Izuna teased, "All brawn and no brains. What a shame."_

_He ducked his brother's grab and ran down the hallway with Madara on his heels laughing between curses and empty threats as he tried to catch him._

Izuna shakes himself out of the memory and barely restrains himself from smashing the gunbai into the wall. He can't do this, he can't erase Madara's presence entirely, not today. There is still a week left before the move, he has time. He leaves Madara's room and heads towards the blacksmith to have the gunbai repaired.

A crescent moon wanes back into darkness as he passes.

* * *

  
Izuna feels like he is burning alive as he stands across from Senju Hashirama in front of both of their clans colors. His blood is boiling with rage and hatred, and it takes every molecule of his self control to keep his Sharingan contained. (If he had let himself think about the Wood Demon standing side by side with his brother while Izuna stood alone, he would not have been able to manage it, and Hikaku is too far away right now to stop him from breaking the newly formed peace to skin whoever was unlucky enough to end up in his clutches alive.)

As it is, he forces a smile onto his face, even though he is certain it makes him look either deranged or just as enraged as he is, and shakes the hand that is covered in Madara's blood. 

"I know this is hard for you," the Wood Demon whispers as he leans forward slightly so no one can hear, "but... I also know this is what Madara would have wanted."

Izuna squeezes the hand in his grip far to tightly for it to be painless out of pure spite and closes his eyes for a second to hide the inevitable flare of the Sharingan. Stay calm, he wills himself, for your clan, for Madara, stay calm.

"If you ever say his name again," Izuna mumbles just as softly, with the most pleasant tone he can force, "I will do everything in my power to hang your Demon of a brother with your intestines so that you might understand just how 'hard' this is before you die."

With that he reclaims his hand and sets about the smile-and-wave routine to set the two clans and the civilians under their protection more at ease. From beside him, he knows Hashirama is doing the same, despite the unrest of his chakra.

* * *

  
After they break ground, the village begins to rise in earnest. Both clans have their own compounds on opposite sides, and between them are the homes of the civilians and the markets they run. It would be cozy almost, if not for the hollow pain that refuses to leave Izuna alone.

He sets a routine for himself that allows him no time to think, lest his thoughts wander to joining his family in the afterlife. He wakes up and immediately tends to his duties as head of the Uchiha clan. He handles their finances, though he is not as nearly good with numbers as Madara was, he approves missions and buildings, he carries their concerns to the council meetings, and he does his best to keep them safe from anyone who would try to slight them. But he does not dote on them or coddle them as Madara had, or even as he once did. He delegates the leadership of the clan meetings to Hikaku who simply bring him notes from said meetings, and he shuts himself away from the cousins and distant family he was once friendly with. (He cannot stand the accusation in their eyes when they look at him. As if he was the one who killed Madara. As if he wanted his brother's eyes at all, much less enough to commit such a horrible crime. As if they didn't see the same injury he did and know that no one could have survived it. As if healers hadn't been there to deem Madara beyond help.)

On a good day, his clan duties are enough to eat up the entire day, and he rarely has to leave his office which means his exposure to the Wood Demon is limited. There were few good days. On bad days, his clan only take up about half the day or less no matter how hard he tries to stretch the time it takes to finish. On bad days, he has no excuse to stay away from the man who murdered his brother, and it gets harder and harder to hold in his hatred every time he crosses paths with the man. On bad days, he sees the wary guarded look on the White Demon's face as he grinds his way through a conversation with the Wood Demon and he gets enraged by the fact that he is not more angry about it. 

On bad days, it is irrefutable that Madara is gone, slaughtered, dead, he can't hide from it, and the emptiness rots in Izuna's chest until he feels as brittle as a sun dried bone.

Today is chalking up to be a bad day.

He slams into Hashirama's office with all the grace of a raging bull and unceremoniously drops the reports from his clan onto the murderer's desk on top of what he was already trying to work on, which ruins his paperwork and whatever had been on the bottom of Izuna's stack with a splatter of ink. Give and take, as always, these reports were mission files that could easily be replaced anyway. 

The White Demon's ever present watchful eye is missing today. Even worse.

"Those were requested. You have them now. I'm leaving." He grinds. He has to get out of here. No White Demon means no one for Izuna to focus on when he is trying to calm his temper.

"Wait." The Wood Demon commands.

Izuna's hands twitch, itching for blood. He plasters on that fake smile that's been becoming his go to expression and turns back around, "What do you want now?"

"I... I want to apologize." 

"For making me come all the way here when you could easily have the Uchiha shinobi submit their mission reports to the office themselves the same way the Senju shinobi do thereby eliminating the need for me to go between like this, making the processing faster, and making them feel more equal all at once?" Izuna chirps.

"No." the Wood Demon says before scowling a bit, "Well.... yes, I guess that too, I will talk to Tobirama, and you can tell your shinobi to submit their reports here. But I meant... I am so sorry. For killing him."

Izuna takes a deep breath to try and remain as calm as possible, but the rage is building and escaping, his Sharingan burns in his brother's eyes, and smoke curls into the air when he exhales, "You are sorry. Am I supposed to feel better now?"

The Wood Demon shifts in place and opens his mouth to say something but Izuna cuts him off.

"You're sorry, so that means I will go home and Aniki will be there waiting for me right? You're sorry, so I won't see and feel my brother dying in my arms when I dream tonight, right? You're fucking _sorry_ ," Izuna says keeping his voice devoid of emotion until he advances on the Wood Demon's desk, violently throws the paperwork off of it, and slams his hands down so hard the wood splinters under the force as he meets the man's dark brown eyes with spiraling red, "so that means everything is better now, and you didn't murder my brother, ISN'T THAT RIGHT SENJU?!"

"I didn't murder anyone! You keep saying that, but it was Madara's choice to ignore my pleas for peace. He chose to keep fighting a pointless war. You chose to take him away when I could have healed him." The Wood Demon says, having the nerve to look Izuna in the eyes as he does so, "It was meant to be a non-fatal blow. Just to show him he could not win against me. To make him give up. I was aiming for his shoulder, but I miscalculated the trajectory... And if you had stopped to listen to me _for just one second,_ than it would have still been non-fatal, I could have saved him. You killed your own brother. You are the murderer, not me."

Izuna's Sharingan bleeds into the Mangekyo, and he can't stop it. Wrath, sadness and guilt assault him all at once, and he isn't sure whether he wants to slit the Wood Demon's throat or his own as he snarls lowly, "You don't understand a damn thing about what you are talking about, you monster."

"I understand plenty." The tan man counters with a dark angry gleam in his eyes, "How are those new Sharingan treating you by the way?"

Izuna is vaulting over the desk with a deranged screech in the next heartbeat to rip the Demon's throat out with his _teeth_. Strong arms clamp around his middle and yank him back kicking and screaming before he can accomplish it.

"How dare you?! How fucking DARE you accuse me of something you know absolutely nothing about!!" Izuna screams at the top of his lungs, not caring who can hear him as he thrashes in his captors grip, trying everything he knows to get his hands around that man's murdering neck, "You have no right to say that! Fucking let go of me bastard. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT, _I'LL RIP YOU TO FUCKING PIECES!!! Let me GO-"_

Next thing he knows, he is being deposited onto a mossy forest floor and he collapses there into heaving painful sobs. He doesn't even know how the Wood Demon knows about the Uchiha's ancient texts, but even if he does, what right does he have to sink his claws into Izuna's festering wounds like that? It's not fucking _fair_. That man is the most horrible creature on the planet, why does he get to live while Madara had to die? Where is the balance in that?

Izuna screams his grief and frustration into the earth until his voice nearly gives out and then he curls up falling suddenly silent. It is then that he realizes whoever kept him from attacking the Wood Demon is still here and he looks up to find the White Demon eyeing him from a few feet back.

"I would apologize for Anija's lack of tact, but I doubt it would help anything. Just know that he tends to not think about what he says before he says it, and he does not truly believe the whispers the Uchiha clan has come to him with." he deadpans as he straightens his fur collar.

The Uchiha clan went to the Wood Demon spewing lies. They betrayed him again. Would they have done the same to Madara? It would have destroyed him in unimaginable ways if they did. Izuna can't even muster more than a hallow laugh. He is so tired now that his breakdown has passed that he can't even get angry at his lack of anger towards the White Demon like he normally does.

"You will not stop until this ends in the breaking of the peace. We both know that." The White Demon says, his eyes tired and gaunt in a similar way to Izuna's, "You are the most relentless person I have ever met."

Izuna tenses with alarm at that statement. Death sounds like a perfect release, but if he dies than who will care for the traitors in the Uchiha clan? Who will make sure they don’t dig their own graves trying to play nice until it's too late?

"Unfortunately, you are stronger than me now. I would be defeated if I challenged you while you had any will in you to live. If there is anything I know about you, it is that you are fully devoted to your clan. So long as they remain, it doesn't matter how they treat you, not really, they will still be the reason you endure, meaning you would always have enough willpower to crush me if I tried to put you down."

Izuna pulls himself up off of the ground, wondering what the Senju is planning, and why he has thought so hard about this.

"I can't kill you. I know that. But I also can't let you be a threat to my Anija and his dream, and I know that there will come a day when you can no longer contain your hatred. It was very nearly today. Logically, I could simply let that happen, but if it did and you attacked Anija and he killed you when we are all supposed to be in an alliance, that would cause a ripple effect through those in your clan who do support you and one through the Senju clan members who think it is only a matter of time before the Uchiha all start turning on us, both situations which should be avoided. Trust is imperative right now. The only other option is to sate your bloodlust another way." 

Tobirama reaches up and undoes the clasps of his armor, letting the heavy blue breastplate fall to the ground followed by the lovingly maintained fur.

"Uchiha Izuna, I am offering you my life in recompense for what my brother took from you. You need not fear retribution for my death. I have left preparations in place that would absolve you of any guilt, no matter how you may choose to kill me. Anija will be the only person who will know the truth, and he would not be able to tell anyone, nor would he break his peace for revenge."

Izuna stares at him for a few seconds to gauge his seriousness. He finds no hint of trickery in the White Demon's eyes, mostly evident by the fact that he is allowed to meet them at all. 

Savage glee bubbles in Izuna's heart. The Wood Demon is finally going to pay a meet price for his crime. He will know the anguish of being alone in the world, without family, without love and care. He will know what it feels like to hold the lifeless body of his last brother. He will know the horrible, mind bending, burning rage of having to stand idly beside the man who's hands are red with the blood of his most precious person and play nice for the sake of others.

Izuna produces a katana from a seal on his arm and buries it in the White Demon's chest in one fluid motion. He then snarls and twists his blade, trying to bore a hole identical to the one that was in Madara's chest so he can listen to this man drown in his own blood just like he had listened to Madara drown in his. 

To his credit, the White Demon does not cry out besides a pained grunt when he is pierced, and he doesn't cry out when Izuna finally deems his work sufficient and let's him topple to the ground. 

Izuna wants to feel satisfied, he wants to feel vindicated, he wants to feel that Madara has finally been given the justice he deserves as the White Demon struggles to breathe beyond the blood pooling in his throat and lungs. 

Yet... all he feels is mourning, _still_. He pants and lifts his hands, feeling even more miserable when he sees them covered in blood, when he had expected his savage glee to last. He wants the Wood Demon to suffer more than anything, why does he not feel better at inflicting the same pain he is suffering on him? Is it... Because it is the White Demon here, heaving fruitlessly for air? This Senju who has been a constant in Izuna's live for only seven years less that Madara was? 

He thinks about battles with this Senju that he had revelled in knowing he would always be challenged by an equal, he thinks about wary eyes on him, but never acting, he thinks of the blessed focal point the White Demon provided when otherwise Izuna would have been consumed by rage, and the fact that since Madara died, only one person has offered him any sort of understanding of his pain and why he can't just let go, and _his lips are turning blue now from lack of oxygen._ A particularly rattling cough makes Izuna's chest constrict with panic. Just like Madara... No. Nonononono not again. 

As ridiculous as it is, the White Demon understood, he didn't think Izuna was being unreasonable, he just knew Izuna was going to self destruct and he acted to protect his brother. Gave his life to protect his brother. Just like Izuna would have if he had been given a chance. Izuna can't lose him, especially not at his own hands.

He kneels beside the heaving Senju, "Shit. Fuck. Just hold on I'll... I... damn it, how could you just let me- you are such a fucking idiot!"

Tears start gathering in Izuna's eyes as he presses Tobirama's fur collar against the gaping wound to try and stop the bleeding. But it's not stopping, and the worst of it is internal anyway, he knows from when Madara was... a choked sob rips through Izuna.

"Gods damn it! Please! Please don't die! I shouldn't have- I don't want you to die, please!" Izuna begins screaming similar halting sentences to those he had screamed when he was trying to save Madara. 

Tobirama is giving him the single most perplexed look Izuna has ever seen as he coughs more blood in a feeble and moot attempt to clear his airways.

Izuna let's out another trembling sob and presses harder on the wound, blood spurting between his fingers and threatening to make him sick with its metallic rotten odor.

" _Please_..." He whimpers uselessly as he curls in on himself. A hand wraps weakly around his wrist and he snaps his gaze up to meet Tobirama's.

"A-ani-ja," The injured man croaks.

 _"You chose to take him away when I could have healed him."_ the Wood Demon had said.

Izuna would rather not see him for the rest of his natural life, but if there is a chance that he could reverse this... He scowls with determination and pushes his hatred deep down inside. He carefully, as to not cause more pain than necessary, gathers Tobirama in his arms bridal style, and leaps into the trees as fast as he can. The Senju's head lulls against his chest weakly, and for a few world rending seconds, Izuna fears another person he cares about (when did he start caring about Tobirama? Just now? Or did he ever truly hate the man to start?) is going to die in his arms.

But some god somewhere offers him a miracle this time, and Tobirama lasts, heaving and vomiting blood though he is, until they reach the Wood Demon's house. Izuna spares no time barging in.

A wooden spear careens towards him and he narrowly moves his head in time to not be killed.

"Izuna." The Wood Demon half snarls half sighs. He apparently hasn't noticed his dying brother in Izuna's arms from his place in a dark hallway.

"I did not come here for you," Izuna snarls back, "Whatever either of us may feel is not important right now. Heal your brother."

He sets Tobirama's convulsing form on the floor and steps back. The Wood Demon chokes and bolts forward.

"Tobirama, oh gods!" He cries immediately coating the wound in healing chakra. Tobirama takes in a breath clear of blood the very next second and Izuna's broken heart crumbles even further.

The Wood Demon is succeeding. Tobirama can breathe. Tobirama is healing. Which means he wasn't just blowing smoke about being able to heal Madara's wound. And Izuna truly had killed his brother by not listening. He drops to his knees, the weight of grief and guilt stealing his strength.

"What did you do." The Wood Demon demands with the most twisted hateful look Izuna has ever seen.

It doesn't matter anymore. Let the Wood Demon kill him. Let Tobirama kill him. he doesn't care. Izuna realizes now that he is too broken, too twisted to be allowed to roam free. The Uchiha will have to manage on their own. He can't do it anymore. He has killed his beloved Aniki, and he almost killed his rival/friend/enemy and severed his last bond. He cannot be trusted. He is beyond repair.

Izuna opens his mouth to seal his fate. It would have been one thing if Tobirama had died and set in motion whatever 'preparations' he had, but it will be another entirely if the Wood Demon thinks he is a danger to his last remaining family and the village as a whole.

"Accident... Hirai-shin." Tobirama croaks before Izuna can say anything.

"... What?" The Wood Demon barks as he turns to his injured brother.

"Was... taking him... away from you. Didn't think about... landing... blade... hit me on accident. He didn't... do anything... he... he saved... me...." Tobirama loses consciousness and his head falls to the side. The Wood Demon appears to buy the story, and wordlessly continues healing him.

Izuna gapes at the albino who just lied for him after nearly being killed by him and feels possibly even more lost than he had when he was watching Madara's body burn.

It takes hours for the Wood Demon to finish and when he does he leans back and sighs, "I am choosing to believe my brother's story this time. I will put this off as an accident. But if something like this ever happens again, I will put you out of your misery, understand?"

Izuna nods. He is far too emotionally drained to do anything else.

The Wood Demon stares at Tobirama's peaceful features for a second before a shadow passes over his face and he speaks again, "I am sorry for what I said. You were correct, I had no right to speak to you that way. I just..."

He pauses and lifts his hands to stare at them, "I can't get his blood off of me, no matter how much I wash or how hard I scrub. Every time I close my eyes, I see him hanging off my mokuton and I remember what it felt like to have his blood splatter all over me and... I really did not mean to kill him Izuna. I love him. I never wanted to hurt him. I'm begging you to believe that. Because your constant reminders of what I am, and of what I did to him, are _killing_ me. If you want me to hurt, trust me, I have and I am. There is nothing you can say that I don't say to myself every waking moment of everyday, and I will be trying to live with what I did for the rest of my life. So please, if you can muster any semblance of mercy for me, I'm begging you to stop reminding me."

Izuna's breath leaves him for so long, he thinks he may be the one dying now. But it comes back and he just stares at Hashirama for a long while. 

_"I love him."_

Not past tense. _Love_ , not _loved_. There are no words to express how grateful he is that someone is still using present tense on his brother besides him.

Izuna watches the Senju clan head begin to sob into his hands and feels tears start falling down his own cheeks. Maybe he has been selfish. Maybe he is not the only one on the brink of shattering from his grief every single second he breathes and Madara doesn’t. Maybe, just maybe, he is tired enough of being miserable and angry to take a chance.

He shuffles forward and hugs Hashirama gently around his shoulders. The older man's breath hitches and he jerks back a little but Izuna just hugs him a bit tighter.

"I forgive you." Izuna whispers. Even he is surprised by how deeply he means it.

He and Hashirama cry together for their lost brother while a waxing crescent moon rises in the sky, forcing the darkness to begin to abate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This being so fast was a fluke just so y'all know. 
> 
> Also, I, like most writers of fanfiction, live on coffee and comments.... sustain me.


	3. Part Three: Gibbous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Wheezes*
> 
> TIS DONE! How is it done??? I have no idea but it is. And it didn't even take me 500 years. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Lmao. 
> 
> I don't hate this one like I hate all the others. It's weird. But go with the flow I guess. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Izuna slowly wakes from his sleep and stretches his back, which aches from sleeping in an uncomfortable chair by Tobirama's bedside. He had insisted that he be allowed to stay with the albino until he woke, and luckily, as Hashirama had walked out on his work after their fight yesterday and was busy trying to make up for it, the man hadn't given him much of a fight.

He looks over at the resting Senju and scowls. He should wake soon, he slept all night after all, and Hashirama had healed the wound almost completely.

A sharp pang of regret strikes Izuna when he thinks of that. Not just because he regrets inflicting the injury to begin with, but because now he knows Madara could have been saved from a wound so similar. It feels like his hands are covered in blood, both Madara's and Tobirama's.

Hashirama really had tried to stop him from fleeing with his brother that day, he remembers that much. He even thinks he recalls Madara choking out a plea for him to stop. The panic had been so strong that he had tunnel vision on escaping. If he would have listened...

Izuna wants to yank his own hair out. Madara's peace had been inevitable from the start. He was wrong to be so closed minded to anyone else's ideas. He never even tried to hear Madara's reasoning, he was so obsessed with his own view of the Senju, and his view of their leader and their leader's little brother that he never tried to see from Madara's. And his brother had to pay the price for his mistakes. He grits his teeth and wills the tears that threaten to spill away. What right does he have to cry? It won't change anything.

"Thinking so hard doesn't suit you." says a smooth baritone from the bed.

Izuna lifts his gaze to red eyes and disheveled pure white hair and says, "You're awake."

"And you're still here." Tobirama replies.

"I am." Izuna nods as he returns his gaze to the floor and crosses his arms.

"Why?" The Senju asks shifting in the bed with a yawn.

"I wanted to be here when you woke up." Izuna answers softly.

Tobirama just stares at him for a few seconds before shaking his head, "Okay, but why?"

"Always asking 'why' all the time, even when you shouldn't" Izuna sighs.

"I'm a curious person." Tobirama retaliates obviously still expecting an answer.

Izuna shrugs, "I couldn't tell you why, I don't know. I just wanted to. But while we are on the subject of why, why did you lie for me last night?"

Tobirama inspects what is left of his wound silently before he answers, "Because I did not think you deserved to be punished for my actions."

"I was the one who stabbed you." Izuna deadpans.

Tobirama nods once, "Yes, because I offered to let you. It is not like you up and jumped me without a cause. I will be honest, I fully expected to die. I wasn't lying when I said I had prepared to do so, my summons were instructed to set my plan into motion the moment I perished."

Izuna scoffs, that much he already knew, and sits back banging his head lightly on the wall behind his chair, "Don't make a habit of pulling idiotic stunts like that. You might lose your reputation as a genius."

"Idi- I was trying to help you!"

"You were trying to make me even with your brother so I wouldn't rip his throat out or become a threat to the growing village. Sentimentality had nothing to do with it, it was a strategic maneuver, it was just not a good one. You are a lot smarter than most people, Senju, but don't you dare think for a second that you can pull one over on me so easily." Izuna barks snapping his eyes open briefly to eye the albino before losing his small flare of energy and closing them once more.

Tobirama sighs deeply, "You are right, that was part of it. But there was another facet that you haven't considered. I... do not like seeing you like this."

"Like what?" Izuna asks in a confused tone sitting up straight to halfheartedly glare at the other man.

Tobirama blushes a bit and tries to hide his face confusing Izuna even further, "So... sad. When you are not volcanic with flashfire anger, you walk around with your eyes on the ground, you don't talk to anyone, and all you do is bury yourself in work. It is grating to me, for whatever unfathomable reason."

Izuna shakes his head slightly, "When did things get so fucked up that the two of us started caring about each other?"

"For what it is worth, I think we could have been friends if we had been willing to try. At the very least... I understand you. For the most part." Tobirama says, "For all the things about you that surprise me, there are a thousand things that don't." 

"Equal but opposite is how I have always seen it. Though, I suppose I'm stronger now out of the two of us, if only by a small margin. The balance we once had is gone, just like the balance between our clans. Madara took both with him."

"Equal but opposite..." Tobirama muses, "Is that why you were so against peace?"

Izuna winces, "Balance and harmony are the keystones that keep the world in motion. There are always equal and opposite forces at work against each other. I saw the war as one of those struggles, one that would continue to span the generations. Animosity and mistrust were just easier to display than my real thoughts on the matter. I didn't take into account the fact that no one else would see what I did in the same way that I did. I never thought that it would cost me so much..."

"Such stasis is never maintainable, and people were cut down around us constantly even if it was. It was only a matter of time before-" He cuts himself off and looks away suddenly, maybe because he is afraid that finishing that thought would send Izuna into one of the rages he had become a bit infamous for over the months.

Izuna just smiles sadly, he doesn't think he could muster anger right now if he wanted to, "I see that now. I just wish I had opened my eyes before... before Madara paid the price for my ignorance."

Tobirama stares incredulously for a few seconds, "So you no longer believe we are too different to get along?"

"I don't know what I believe anymore. About anything, or anyone." Izuna says quietly, "And I don't have the energy to figure it out."

Izuna stews in the following silence for only a few seconds. He then is struck with an overwhelming urge to leave, and so he stands up and opens the window before Tobirama can come up with more questions.

"Where are you going?" Tobirama says, almost sounding like he is distressed by Izuna leaving.

"Always with the questions." Izuna says peering back at the Senju. He knows that his expression is a mess of anguish and listlessness, but he can't will himself to correct it. "I don't know where I'm going. Maybe I'll go to the compound. Maybe I won't stop running until I reach the coast. Does it matter though? I will be alone no matter where I go. I have no home."

With that Izuna vaults out of the window. He ends up in a bar that Hikaku has to collect him from at nightfall. 

* * *

Izuna and Tobirama end up sharing an office after Hashirama is elected. Whether it was Hashirama's idea, or Tobirama himself had requested it, Izuna is not sure, but he is secretly thankful for it. 

Tobirama does not stare at him with pity or resentment when he can't find the energy to brush his hair or dewrinkle his clothes, and he doesn't hound Izuna about work he is falling behind on. He doesn't repeat that broken record speech that Hikaku does about how unhealthy it is that Izuna is still locked in the throes of grief, or how this is not what Madara would have wanted.

He is just _there_. Sometimes, he talks to Izuna, about frivolous things, or work things, or a vexing project, whatever is on his mind. Sometimes, he brings food for them to share when he knows Izuna neglected to make himself breakfast. Sometimes, he takes some of Izuna's workload onto himself to help the younger man catch up even though he already does a bunch of his brother's work on top of his own. 

It is a refreshing and surprisingly welcome friendship they ease into. 

Izuna finds himself seeking out Tobirama's company, just to feel safe and unjudged when he just lays and watches whatever the albino happens to be doing because he is too tired for anything else. And it is... nice almost, the company, the break from avoiding others and being alone, and just being cared for again. He just isn't sure why he is being allowed to have it. 

"Why do you bother?" Izuna asks one day as he pokes at the food Tobirama brought him. Fish and rice, the Senju is fond of simple flavors it seems, but there's green tea mochi too, and Izuna knows that the other man has no love for sweets.

"It would be inconvenient if you keeled over from hunger while we are working, and I know you have a habit of neglecting your physical needs." Tobirama deadpans from his side of their office without missing a beat.

Izuna resists the urge to hurl a chopstick at the man, but only by a small margin, "I meant all of it Senju. You constantly allow me in your space, even when you don't have to. Why? I tried to kill you. Multiple times. You tried to kill me. You were against your brother letting me live."

"That was war. You were dangerous. I was protecting myself, and my family, and you were doing the same." Tobirama replies, tone still dry as if Izuna should already be aware of what he is saying... and okay, maybe he should be, but it doesn't answer his question.

"But if you are wanting an answer to your question, I am horribly vexed by how distant you are. If the only company you are willing to actively seek out and allow is mine than so be it. You aren't a bad companion, you aren't trying to kill me or my family anymore, and I see no reason to try and remove myself from you."

Izuna pops a bit of mochi in his mouth as an excuse to not reply to that. Blessedly, the older man leaves it at that, and doesn't try to weasel a response out of Izuna. 

* * *

Izuna stares into the distance idly trying to muster the will to do _anything_ at all. He had come to the training grounds to train, but the moment he got here he became acutely aware that he lacked a sparring partner. He always does of course but today... today he can't stop his thoughts from wandering to how he would always spar with Madara. His fate is sealed the moment that thought crosses his mind, and the empty lonely feeling he so hates gnaws away at the little bit of energy he had.

He closes his eyes, praying for something, anything to make this stop. This mourning that keeps circling back and attacking him at any slight reminder of what he lost when he lost Madara. It is relentless and painful.

The sharp ache in his stomach threatens to keel him over when a voice startles him out of his unpleasant thoughts, "You really shouldn't just stand around in the woods."

Izuna only slightly turns to see Tobirama leaning against a tree before returning his focus to the nothing he had seen so far off where his gaze was locked, "Why not? There aren't any animals that could hurt me out here."

"Maybe not, but there are better places to loiter if that's what you want to do." Tobirama drawls.

"Why are you here anyway?" Izuna asks.

"I sensed your chakra out here. You've been just standing there for half an hour. I figured I would come see what you were doing."

"You were kneading chakra to watch me?" 

"I check on you every once in awhile. If you decide to leave one day, I want to know as soon as possible so I can tell Anija."

Izuna finds his breaths are getting harder, "Why would I leave?"

"You don't have many true connections besides the Uchiha who have found their place as a respected clan in Konoha now. What is there to keep you here when your clan is safe and you are so unhappy all the time?" Tobirama asks. Izuna can hear the scowl in his tone without turning around.

"I already told you, I don't have a home anywhere. There's nowhere I can go to run from his absence. He will always not be here by my side. He's gone." Izuna says, his tone strained. 

"Make a new home." Tobirama says as if that is the easiest thing in the world. Izuna feels a flash of anger, there but unsustainable in the wake of his bone deep exhaustion.

Tobirama elaborates after a few seconds of silence, "I understand that there are those in your clan that make this worse for you with unfair accusations, but I have seen those who still try to get through to you. You still have family, however distant it is, and you have made a friend out of me, whether intentionally or not. There are people who care about you." 

"I am not the person they care about." Izuna mumbles.

"What do you mean?"

Izuna finally tears his gaze away from the empty distance only to turn it to the ground, "I mean what I said." 

"That is not a satisfactory answer. You know I won't give up when I want to know something." 

Izuna hears the slight scrape of fabric against bark as the albino pushes out of his lean to move forward.

"Death changes people," Izuna says quietly as Tobirama approaches from under the canopy of trees, "It has changed me. When my brother died, I did too, just a little bit. I am not who I was and I never will be the same again, does that answer satisfy you?"

"No." Tobirama replies simply.

Izuna's gaze snaps from the ground to Tobirama, but there is no fire left in his glare.

"I refuse to believe someone so strong as you is incapable of healing." Tobirama says firmly now standing beside Izuna so close their shoulders brush.

"How," Izuna begins pausing when his voice hitches on him and his throat closes, but he pushes on, desperate for guidance, "How am I supposed to heal when the person who always carried me forward is the one who is gone? How am I supposed to live without him when his absence weighs so heavily on me that I can't even think about him without becoming immobilized by grief? Madara... Madara was _everything_ to me. He was always there, right beside me, no matter what. How can I ever get used to this _bottomless pit_ that has taken his place?!" 

Tobirama blanches at that and looks away. Izuna let's loose a couple hysterical laughs and collapses to his knees on the ground. Even the genius doesn't have an answer for him. His laughter quickly morphs into dry heaving sobs. Please, someone, anyone, _anything_ , make this stop. He cannot endure anymore of this pain.

A warm hand awkwardly rubs his back and he unashamedly curls around to where he can snuggle his head against the crook of its owner's neck and wrap his arms around his ribs. It takes a few beats of tense awkwardness, but Tobirama relaxes and embraces Izuna in return. 

"It can get better." Tobirama says in a near whisper once Izuna's trembling has ceased, "You have to let it. Open yourself back up to the people who care about you. Make new bonds. I know you can never replace your brother, or your family, but there is still love left in the world for you."

That sounds like some sentiment more suited to the newly inaugurated Hokage.... or Madara. For once, the thought of his brother doesn't make Izuna feel worse. 

"Okay." 

* * *

He goes to Hikaku first. His cousin has put up with a lot from him. He has put himself in front of Izuna's wrath filled outbursts, has gracefully endured the frustration of unheeded advice, has taken care of Izuna at his worst even when he kicked and screamed and lashed out irrationally and indiscriminately. Izuna has put veritable barricades between himself and Hikaku, but in reality it was only because he couldn't stand facing his cousin after everything he put the man through, and the fact that he still after everything tries to help Izuna makes things worse. 

Izuna swirls the tea in his cup as Hikaku puts his baby to bed. He glances up at the warm smile of his cousin's wife a few times and immediately glances back down. Eventually Hikaku returns and says something in a low voice to the woman who kisses him on the cheek and leaves.

Hikaku's attention returns to him when his wife is gone and he strides over and sits down at the opposite end of the table, "It's been awhile."

Izuna impulsively brushes stray strands of his hair over his ear, "I know."

"I missed you." Hikaku says softly.

Izuna looks up, slightly confused by that statement. What was there left of him to miss?

"Lots of us missed you. But me especially." Hikaku says before a sip of tea.

So that's what he means. He misses Izuna the way he used to be. He figured as much, but he doesn't know how to be that person anymore.

"I... don't know how to fix this. I have been awful to you. But I am sorry. For everything." Izuna says quietly.

"There's nothing to fix little cousin." Hikaku replies.

Izuna flinches and looks down into his teacup. 

"Don't take that the wrong way. I meant I was never mad at you. There was nothing you did that was so bad I wouldn't want you in my life."

The younger Uchiha feels his throat tighten and he swallows thickly. He thinks of the accusations, of the way his clan has looked at him and he has to know no matter how scared he is of knowing, "You don't... think that I stole them?"

Hikaku grabs one of Izuna's hands and squeezes gently, "I know that you would have never hurt him. Anyone who truly believes that obviously never knew you beyond a face and a name."

Izuna nods once, "Thank you."

For having faith in him, for trying to give advice even when he blatantly ignored it, for keeping him from making even worse mistakes, for being here now, when he's starting to recover from his complete breakdown, Izuna will never be able to thank his cousin enough.

Hikaku smiles a bit, "I don’t know what changed, but I'm glad for it. I thought I had lost you too. You and Madara were always so close, it was like you were one person in two bodies. If you two would have heard some of the rumors that floated around back then, I doubt the ones that are whispered now would have been a shock."

Izuna just shakes his head. He _does_ know what people used to say about him and his brother. He and Madara had had more than a few drunken laughs about it.

"You mean the ones where people would swear they saw me sneaking into Aniki's room in the wee hours?" Izuna says.

"Or the ones where they swore that he was refusing wives because he already had one for a brother." Hikaku adds. 

Izuna feels a genuine smile creep up on his face, "Actually, I think I have to give them that one. He _did_ loudly exclaim in the middle of a room full of stuffy elders that he couldn't marry because he was too busy taking care of me."

Hikaku laughs, "Did he ever think before he spoke?"

"Not usually. He only chose his words carefully when he wrote letters, and that was because he couldn't blurt out the first thing he thought of." Izuna says thinking fondly of some of the stupid things Madara had said, "If he had a filter, it was only because I did."

"More like you _were_ his filter." Hikaku says.

The silence that follows is comfortable and Izuna crosses his arms and lays his head ontop of them on the table before he breaks it, "I miss him. All the time."

"I know. I miss him too." Hikaku says, "Its okay to miss him, but you have to remember you still have a life to live. He wouldn't want you to dwell on him like this."

Hikaku has said things like this a hundred times and Izuna refused to hear it before. Now he takes a deep breath and really thinks about what he dislikes so much about it.

"I am afraid," Izuna confides, "That if I don't dwell... then he just disappears. Like he was never even here. If I don't remember, that he will truly be gone."

"If you don't want his memory to disappear, then don't let it. You knew him better than anyone, tell stories about him. Teach his techniques to little ones." Hikaku says, "We all live on in those small things."

Izuna contemplates that for a second before he turns to his cousin from his place with his head propped on his arms and says, "Did you know that he was scared of koi fish?"

Hikaku blinks a few times in surprise and then bursts into mirth filled laughter. 

They switch out their tea for sake and spend the rest of the night trading stories about Madara and other family members.

* * *

Izuna stares at the pile of his brother's journals for a very long time before he works up the courage to start rooting through them. They are all dated, so before he begins reading them, he decides to organize them so he can read them in chronological order. That's how he figures out that two of them are very different from the rest. He sits back on his heels and regards the two different scrolls suspiciously. Not only are they smaller, they are also written on strange paper and they are both sealed shut, one with a seal he recognizes, and the other with one he doesn't.

It could be a trap, some sort of deterrent to keep someone from digging around in Madara's stuff. But no one would have gotten that close to his things when he was alive, and he was definitely alive when these were written because the seals are in his handwriting. Messages maybe? It's possible that he had written these to send out with hawks and sealed them to protect whatever secrets are inside... but they are a little big for any hawk besides the very biggest one he had, and he had absolutely doted on that bird. Izuna had even playfully accused him of loving the bird more than him. He never really used her for ferrying messages.

Carefully, Izuna opens the seal he recognizes and then firmly tosses the scroll away to unroll it in case it is trapped. Luckily, it isn't and it unrolls harmlessly across the floor. Izuna scowls and leans over the scroll to skim it. His breath seizes at the very first words.

_To my dearest Izuna,_

Izuna's heart pounds as he picks the scroll up off the floor and settles with it in a better position.

_To my dearest Izuna,_

_If you are reading this, then something happened to me and I'm no longer with you... Or you were being the conniving little weasel you are and went digging in my things for heaven knows what reason and you found it by accident. In which case, I'm certain you are already on your way to bash me over the head with it, and chew me out for being paranoid._

_If you are still reading this, I'm not there to be bashed or verbally taken down a few pegs. And I am so very sorry for that. I broke the promise I made to always be by your side. I know you are hurting, that I hurt you when I left you, and I'm sorry for that too. I hope that you understand that this is in no way your fault. I know how smart you are, and I know that by the time you find this, the clan is moving or already moved and you probably brokered some sort of peace with the Senju. You may feel that you were arguing against the inevitable all those years, and my death was the result of your stubbornness, but that is far from true. My choices were my own, and while your opinion was a factor in them, I still made the choice to stay at war on my own. I chose whatever path ended with Hashirama killing me as well, which I say because I am reasonably certain no one else could have done it. With that idiot, I can even guess it might have been an accident, but he **was** rather fed up with my refusal of his peace offerings so I don't know that part for sure. What I do know, is that either way, it was ultimately my decisions that lead to it, so please, direct any hatred or anger you may feel to me. We Uchiha are not famous for handling those emotions with grace, and we are more prone than others to letting them rot us from the inside out until we aren't recognizable anymore. That is the last thing I want for you. If anyone can overcome our curse, it's you. You have an indescribable strength, Izuna, one that has been my light, my focal point, for years. And that is why I am glad that if one of us had to die, it was me. I did not have the strength to weather losing you. But you can overcome this, if you put your mind to it, and let me go. _

_That may sound impossible right now, and I don't blame you if you dismiss this as the ramblings of a deadman at first, but just remember, I am a hopeless flailing mess of a speaker, but I always write my thoughts very carefully. I believe every word I have written here and I believe in you. I know you will mourn my loss, and it would be hypocritical and useless for me to ask you not to mourn, but I will ask you to keep your heart open as you do. The world needs people like you to brighten it._

_I love you little brother, and I hope you never know the pain that you know if you read this scroll, but if you do, I will leave you with this: Grief is like the phases of the moon, it is ever changing and it will never allow you to remain full for long. But when you are waning look to your stars for light, for the moon is never alone._

_\- Madara_

_P.S. The scroll you found with this one is for Hashirama. Would you do your big brother one last favor and make sure he gets it? DO NOT read it you little menace, I assure you I **am** watching and I will wait for the very, VERY, long time it will take for you to join me just to eviscerate you. Don't test me, you know I hold grudges._

Izuna carefully rolls the scroll back up and sets it aside so it won't be ruined by his tears. Leave it to Madara to be paranoid enough to leave something like that behind. Leave it to Madara to believe in Izuna no matter the reasons he shouldn't. 

Izuna's sobs turn to giggles after a few minutes. A certain weight has been lifted off his shoulders by his brother's message. He never once let his brother down when he was alive, and he may have started to when Madara died, but he will be damned if he continues to do it now that he knows how his brother felt. Madara thinks he can do this? Then he can, and he will. His elder brother has never asked from him something he was not capable of. 

"Alright Aniki," He mumbles to the empty room, "One more time, I will do what you ask. But just for the record, I think you are being a demanding jerk, also expecting me not to read the scroll you left for the tree-head."

With that he snatches up the other scroll and leaps across rooftops to the Hokage's tower. 

Hashirama yelps when Izuna bursts through the window. It's his favorite way to enter the tower for that exact reason.

"Izuna. Do you really have to do that?" the older man asks putting a hand against his chest.

"Yep!" Izuna chirps.

Hashirama immediately snaps his gaze back to regard Izuna at the light tone. Izuna doesn't really blame him for the suspicion, he did use a tone close to this one several times when he was envisioning violent deaths for this man. 

"What is going on? You and Tobi are both off today aren't you?" Hashirama asks slowly.

"Per your orders, yes we are. Tobirama was quite whiny about it just so you know. But it is night now. And this can't wait. I was going through some of Aniki's things and I found something interesting." Izuna walks around so the man won't have to turn to see him and sits on the corner of his desk.

Something dark and pained creeps onto the Hokage's face, "Izuna, I thought that... If I did something to make you upset I apologize but this is..."

"Relax, it isn't like that I promise. Madara kept journals. Had a ton of them. When we left the old compound, I kept them so I could read them. When I was sorting them I found something else he left. Apparently, my brother was so incredibly paranoid that he wrote letters for his loved ones in the event that something happened to him. There was one for me, and this one," He holds the scroll out "Is for you."

Hashirama stares at it for several seconds and big bulbous tears well up in his eyes, "What... What does it say?"

"I don't know. I was strictly forbidden from reading it. But, I wasn't strictly forbidden from waiting here for you to read it and tell me what it says." Izuna says. Loopholes are a fabulous thing.

Hashirama carefully takes the scroll and undoes the unfamiliar seal on it without difficulty. He starts reading and immediately bursts into laughter.

He then starts reading aloud, " _Hashirama, please read this out loud if you can manage since I'm absolutely certain my evil rat of a brother is breathing down your neck trying to figure out what I wrote for you even though it is absolutely none of his business._

 _First off, killing people is very rude, but since you have no manners anyway, I'm not surprised. Secondly, I somewhat hope you did it on accident, though technically that is even worse for my ego, but if not, I am aware that I forced your hand, and I want you to know that I understand and I forgive you. Make sure Izuna hears that part, as I am sure he is giving you seven layers of hell over this. Thirdly, if you fail to keep my little brother safe in my place, I can and will haunt you until the day you die and then on that day, I will have the utmost pleasure of dragging you down into the raging flames of hell with me. Finally,"_ Hashirama pauses here, voice becoming thick with emotion which he takes a deep breath to clear so he can continue _, "Finally, I want you to know that I love you from the bottom of my heart, just in case this is the only small way in which I will be able to tell you that. I have my suspicions that you may have had the same feelings, but if not feel free to disregard the rest of this letter and spare my soul the embarrassment. If you loved me back the way I love you, then I know you are doing something stupid, like always, and resolving yourself to not take anyone else, because you're a big idiot. Don't. Live your life to the fullest, like I never existed. I refuse to let you make me a shadow on your heart. Find another man, or a woman, fall in love again, get married, have kids, and grandkids and great grandkids. And when you die, then you can think about the dead boy you met by a river. Then you can come find me and tell me all about your life, and your brother's life and my brother's and the lives of your children. And if you don't, if you insist on living the hell that is a life alone and come to me with such a boring story, I will put ants in your ugly clothes again."_  
  
Hashirama sets the scroll to the side and puts his head into his hands to cry.

"Only Madara," he says through hiccups.

"Only Aniki." Izuna agrees placing a hand on Hashirama's shoulder. Everything makes a whole lot more sense now at least.

Hashirama puts a hand over his, "Thank you for bringing this to me and not destroying it."

"I would never have destroyed it, even if I still hated you, he knew that, which is why he didn't plan to have it delivered to you in another way. Aniki wanted you to have it, and he would have gotten it to you with or without me, but you're welcome anyway." Izuna sighs as he looks out the window to see a gibbous moon hanging in the sky.

"I wonder how he knew that I felt the same way he did." Hashirama says almost dreamily. 

"A better question would be how I didn't notice how he felt about you. He wasn't a subtle man, less so when it came to love." Izuna replies, "Anyway, I'll leave you to think now. I have some thinking to do myself."

"You seem better." Hashirama observes as Izuna slides off his desk.

"Yea. I guess I am a little." Izuna muses. He then leaps back out window into the night.

* * *

Izuna lights a stick of incense and settles it in the burner under the little painting of his brother. He shivers a bit, it is chilly so far away from the fireplace in the dead of winter with little flurries floating around, but he settles there anyways.

"Happy Birthday, Aniki." Izuna says softly. It is only the third of his brother's birthdays that he hasn't been around for. Madara would have been twenty-seven today. The thought makes Izuna nearly unbearably sad. Madara had been so young... 

But he doesn't let himself dwell on it. He has something else important to do today after all, he can't let himself drown in depression again. 

"You were right about grief. I won't ever get over losing you, and it comes and goes in phases, just like the moon. As sappy as that poetic crap is." Izuna says imagining that maybe Madara can hear, "But I think your biggest beyond the grave 'I told you so' has to be the fact that I fell for a Senju just like you did. You are probably laughing yourself silly right now. Jerk. But... I'm happy now a lot of the time. I wanted to tell you in case your waiting around to know that I'm okay. It took me a long time, two and a half years but I really am okay now. Go rest. I'll see you in a few decades if things go smoothly." 

Silence is his only reply, but he likes to think he was heard anyway. He gets up as soon as he feels his victim's chakra signature move and bolts to meet him.

"Hello, Izuna." Tobirama greets as Izuna lands beside him in the snowy market streets, "Ambushing me when I just got off work again I see."

"Only because you said I couldn't ambush you in the office when I am off and your not," Izuna chirps.

"You are a true menace, and I lament not killing you when I had the chance every time you use that tone of voice. What is your plot this time?" Tobirama deadpans in that adorable way.

"I was thinking." Izuna says.

"Not a great start." Tobirama clips.

"Rude. But anyway, you remember that time I stabbed you in the chest?" Izuna asks, purposely phrasing it so that he can get under Tobirama's skin.

"That is approximately one hundred times worse a start. Yes, of course I remember I have a very large scar from it." Tobirama replies with a quirked eyebrow as he picks up the pace and leaves the snowy streets and moving into the woods. Izuna knows from experience following the Senju that he is headed for their training grounds and he gets a spike of excitement at the thought.

"Well I realized something. You didn't offer me your death that day. You offered me your life." Izuna says trotting around Tobirama so the man has to face him.

"What's the difference?" Tobirama demands with crossed arms.

"The difference is that I don't want your death at all, but I want your life more than anything in the world." Izuna says softly. 

"I.... what?" Tobirama says, obviously confused as hell.

"I want your life. I want you to be mine. Of course, it is only fair I be yours if you agree."

Tobirama does a full sputtering recoil and a blush spreads from ear to ear almost making the seals on his face invisible. Izuna follows his movement easily and leans in so close their lips are mere centimeters from touching, but he let's his skittish Senju close that last bit of distance on his own. 

He buries his fingers in Tobirama's hair the moment he leans into the kiss fully and he feels those pale hands lock around his waist, pulling their bodies together. The Senju seems very responsive. Excellent. Izuna is the first to pull away, and he grabs his kiss drunken Senju and pulls him towards their training grounds.

"I," Izuna begins with nothing but pure dark glee in his voice, "am going to fucking destroy you."

Tobirama doesn't seem to mind that particular threat at all, but he does seem a bit perplexed, "I would like to see you try."

Izuna's glee only multiplies. Snow be damned, he wasn't waiting until after their match to get his victory spoils. He grips Tobirama's collar tighter and yanks him down to where he can plant kisses along his jaw which make the taller man shiver and tilt his head a bit to offer better access.

"I wasn't talking about the spar," Izuna whispers against the shell of the Senju's ear he releases Tobirama and straightens the mans clothes a bit, "start running, no funny business with the Hiraishin, and where ever I catch you, that's where I am fucking you."

Tobirama's eyes go a bit wide at that but he doesn't offer any objections at all, he just leaps into the trees and starts towards his house. Izuna gives him a five second head start, only because he pauses that long to think about what a wonderful life he has despite the loss he has endured before taking of after his rival/soon-to-be-lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so everyone knows if I wasn't clear, in my head, the time frame of part one is a couple days after Madara died, part two spans a few weeks to about six months after, and part three goes from the end of part two all the way two years afterwards.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the pain I wrote! Leave me a comment to tell me what you thought!


End file.
